


a testament to youth in verse

by liketheroad



Category: Disney RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-11
Updated: 2011-04-11
Packaged: 2017-10-17 22:50:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/182153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liketheroad/pseuds/liketheroad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>On the side of the brick building in which it was housed, David had once drunkenly allowed Lorenzo to spray paint, Zooey's! It's not just a coffee shop - it's a way of life. When they'd sobered up, David had halfheartedly considered painting over it, or trying to clean it off, but laziness and a nearly perpetual desire to indulge Enzo had gotten the better of him, and now, more than a year later, it was still there. It had become their trademark, almost their mission statement to the world. You didn't just work at Zooey's. You grew there, ate there, fought there, even slept there, sometimes. </i></p><p>Warning: ill-advised brother-swapping, face-punching, lesbian love-triangles involving Miley Cyrus, smoking, drinking, incestuous pining and excessive amounts of Lorenzo Henrie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a testament to youth in verse

Joe worked at an anarchist coffee shop/record store/bar in one of Boston's shittier neighborhoods, that was, according to the shop's founder, just on the cusp of being trendy. Joe'd been working there for over two years, and hadn't seen any sign of that transformation yet, but they had a solid clientele regardless, and Joe made a killing on tips, whether he was serving lattes or beer.

The place was called _Zooey's_ , and the best part, other than the tips, was that pretty much every single one of Joe's friends worked there. There was Demi, quick-witted and sweet-tempered, Selena, growly voice and sarcastic exterior doing little to hide her huge heart and fierce protectiveness of her friends, and Zac, too shiny hair always falling across his improbably beautiful eyes, his sly grin constantly getting Joe into trouble. And then there was David, of course, who started it all when his great uncle died and left him a sizable chunk of change, enough, at least, to buy the building and start up the place. David, who was left over with enough off-kilter charisma to pull together a loyal staff willing to work for their share of fluctuating profits instead of a guaranteed income, David, who managed to keep the business going and all the staff eating at 23. His kid brother worked there too, Lorenzo, or _Zo_ , but only David was allowed to call him that.

Joe loved all of them. He loved Demi's throaty laugh and Selena's effortless cool, loved Zac's shameless flirting with everything that moved and Lorenzo's self-conscious swagger, his still skinny arms and the too big sunglasses he and David both always wore inside, especially at night. Best of all, Joe loved closing up with them every night, tired and complaining about customers, singing under their breath, dividing up tips and profits from the day. He loved the hugs and slaps on the back they passed around, loved the press of Demi's lips to the side of his mouth, loved the two-cheeked kisses David and Lorenzo gave him, gave all of them. And he loved getting on his bike, reviving the engine, waving good-bye to all his friends and riding home to Nick.

 _Zooey's_ was how Joe paid for his life, how he filled the hours in his day; it was his job, his community, but Nick was the real reason he was in Boston. Nick tended to be the reason Joe did most things. Maybe he was just the reason. Joe's reason.

However you sliced it, Joe was in Boston because that's where Nick was. End of story.

And Nick was there because, well, he was Nick. Nick, who didn't do college like Joe - four aimless years of keg parties and falling into bed with nameless faces he can barely remember. Nick, who instead drove himself through two years of intensive courses before doing scarily well on the LSAT and ascending to the best law school in the country. Nick, who was going to be president someday. He'd been saying it since he was six, and in Nick's mind, the only way to get there was to be the best at everything, every step of the way. In college, that meant a 4.0 and Harvard Law. It meant picking up his life and moving to Boston, forging a life for himself there when he was only 20. For Joe, it meant following Nick, because that's what he did.

Nick hadn't asked Joe to come with him, but he hadn't told Joe no either. In fact, he hadn't even blinked when Joe started job searching in the area, when he packed his bags right alongside Nick's. Being without Nick Joe was at college and Nick was still in high school and hadn't sat right with Joe. It had left him shaky, drunk more than half the time, the strangers he partied and slept with failing to fill up the hole in his life that felt empty and gaping without his brother to fill it. So when Joe graduated, and Nick already seemed four steps ahead of him, early graduation, early acceptance into law, Joe wasn't ready to face another four years alone. So he found a job, found a way to pay for his share of the rent, even though Nick had a generous scholarship and a soft spot when it came to Joe wide enough that he could get away with almost anything.

Joe might have felt bad about that, but his soft spot for Nick was equally wide. It always had been. He tried to let go of Nick, to let go of the childhood they spent with hands in each other pockets, spent climbing into each other's laps, spent falling asleep in the same bed more nights than not. But four years away from Nick, four years with countless girls and guys warming his bed as his brother once had, did nothing to cure Joe of his need for Nick. It was formless, not a need for anything in particular, just for Nick. His presence at Joe's side, his laugh curling out of his chest at one of Joe's lame jokes, his voice singing in the mornings when he took a shower, at night when he was trying to fall asleep. Joe just needed his brother, needed Nick, and from the way Nick looked at him, hungry and tired and more than a little bit haunted, those family vacations when Joe would come back to him, he guessed that brother felt the same. It was that same look in Nick's eyes that made Joe tell Nick he was moving to Boston with him. That same look that made Joe think it was alright, good, even though Nick hadn't said a word, just nodded silently and let Joe make the rest of the decisions for them both.

Joe never wanted to see that look again, never wanted to feel the pain in his chest, knowing he was the one who put it there, the one who made Nick empty, made him hurt. So with Boston came a new life, a resolution that, no matter what choices they made, they would make them together.

\---

Joe woke up just early enough to glare at his clock, and then squeeze his eyes shut and try to stop his alarm from sounding. As usual, this method proved ineffective, and he forced himself to get out of the warm covers before he shut it off. The bed he left was empty, Nick's side long abandoned. Either he got up early or he didn't come to bed at all, staying up all the night combing through cases, trying to learn everything at once, trying to learn it faster, better, than everyone else. Joe sniffed experimentally, and determined that Nick was still home because he could smell fresh coffee. He shivered a little in the cold room, and plucked a sweater off the floor, a huge cardigan of Nick's that dwarfed him ridiculously, before padding out of the room.

He found Nick where he expected him, bent over books at the kitchen table, one hand holding a pen poised over a notebook, the other gripping a diet coke like a lifeline.

"Morning," Joe said, dropping a casual kiss on the top of Nick's head.

Nick grunted and resumed scribbling. Joe smiled to himself and poured a cup of coffee into the largest clean mug available. It was _Zooey's_ house-blend, a rich, dark roast that had totally won Joe over to black coffee. His shift didn't start until 11 that day, and he wasn't planning on doing anything but drinking coffee in his pajamas and watching Nick work that time. _Zooey's_ was only a 15 minute ride away on his motorbike, and David was used to him being late. As long as someone was there to open, and Demi always was, David was pretty flexible about when the rest of them came in. He and Lorenzo had a tendency to saunter in around noon everyday, laughing quietly to each other, David's arm draped across Enzo's tiny shoulders. They were always close like that, always just teasing the edges of too close, sharing personal space, clothes, sunglasses, and occasionally, girlfriends, boyfriends. People didn't really question it, not customers, not the rest of the staff, but when someone did, they'd just shrug, laugh it off and say, "We're _Italian_."

Joe felt the edges of their closeness reflecting something back, saw the mirrored way he and Nick threw their arms around each others shoulders, the way their steps always fell into sync when they walked together, and sometimes wished he and Nick had a similar excuse. David and Lorenzo's casual intimacy, their half-spoken sentences and secret code of in-jokes and nicknames, was all too familiar, shifting Joe's focus, making something prickle at the back of his neck. But whenever David caught Joe watching them, whenever Joe was sitting too close to Nick the same way David was to Lorenzo, he'd just wink at Joe, like they were sharing a happy secret, and Joe wouldn't be able to help winking back before he looked away.

\---

When Joe got to work at 11:16, there was already a line-up. It was Monday. People were always extra crazy for coffee on Mondays. He high-fived Demi when he got to the bar, but her smile was tired. Joe calculated, she'd already been working for over five hours. David and Enzo weren't in yet, and Zac had been out sick weekend, and apparently still wasn't back.

"Selena?" He asked, already putting on his apron and automatically filling the orders Demi was trying to do while dealing with the line at once.

"Miley called," Demi answered out of the corner of her mouth while she rang up another order.

"Shit," Joe said, and handed a middle-aged guy his super large coffee. David named all the sizes, and as a result, they had dumbass names like _super large_ and _super-duper large_. Joe hated David sometimes.

They worked in silence for awhile, Joe making drinks and Demi taking orders and money, until the pre-lunch crowd dispersed and it was just them and a bunch of happy customers, sitting at tables and on couches, drinking their coffee and eating the scones Lorenzo made fresh every morning, pre-dawn, before climbing back up the stairs to the studio apartment he and David shared above the shop.

"So, Selena?" Joe prompted again, once there was time.

Demi shook her head. "Apparently Miley sent flowers last night, when Selena did the open mike thing at the _Right Spo_ t," she elaborated, sounding a mix of exasperated and worried.

Miley and Sel had an epic romance that past summer, complete with jealous meltdowns and public screaming matches. They broke up bad, Miley flying off the handle and accusing Selena of going back to Demi, accusing her of all kinds of things. In some fairness to Miley's insecurities, Selena and Demi _had_ dated, but that was before Miley swept into the city with hair too long and too honey brown, a huge, wholesome smile and trouble written all over her. Miley was all charm, but she was no good for Selena, and Joe wasn't just saying that because he'd loved Demi first, and knew Demi was still holding her heart out, ready for Selena to take it back.

She'd been gone for weeks though, Miley, and Joe had just started to think it was going to stay that way.

"She shouldn't have left you with the lunch crowd," Joe said, because experience had taught him not to get involved with the romantic upheavals of his female coworkers.

Then again, getting involved in the competitive exploits of David and Lorenzo wasn't much safer, particularly when you were the person they were both circling around. Joe learned that one the hard way too, although David was the one who almost ended up with stitches. Enzo had walked in on them halfway to hooking up in the storeroom, he'd flown at David, barraging him with his fists, yelling at him in furious Italian. David ended up with a scar over his bottom lip because of it, but Joe figured he should consider himself lucky. If it had been Nick who found them, David probably would have needed more than the damp cloth Lorenzo, once he was calmed down, handed him to stop the bleeding.

As it was, the only real lesson Joe had taken from that was to try a little harder not to get caught.

Demi just smiled at him sadly, shaking her head more, and leaning against the counter, same pretty face Joe adored from the minute he walked into this place and finagled his way into a job.

"You have better hair than her anyway," he murmured, allowing himself that one overstep as he ran his hand through it.

Her smile was less tired, more sincere, when she said, "Thanks Joe."

\---

Nick stopped by after his torts class that evening. Joe usually insisted Nick stop by at least once a day so he could feed Nick a sandwich, make sure he was checking his levels. Being a law school genius was no reason to go into a diabetic shock.

Joe took his break to coincide with Nick's visit so he could watch Nick eat, so he could kick Nick under the table when he kept stopping to stare blankly into space instead of finishing his meal.

"What's wrong," Joe asked, kicking Nick for a third time.

"My brother's an asshole," Nick responded reflexively, leaning down to rub the spot on his shin Joe made sure he was hitting every time.

"Yeah, Kevin can be kind of a dick," Joe agreed, while making a mental note to call their eldest brother when they got home. Kevin got weird after he broke up with his fiance and moved to Canada. Joe was occasionally afraid he'd joined a cult or something. A Canadian cult. They probably were a really nice bunch.

"Frankie too," Nick played along, a reluctant smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

Joe nodded seriously. "Good thing you and turned out okay, at least."

Nick smiled a real smile when he responded, "Yeah, good thing."

Joe smiled back for a second, and then kicked him again.

"Jesus," Nick hissed.

Joe rolled his eyes. "Seriously, what's wrong."

Nick narrowed his eyes at Joe. "I can kick harder than you, you know."

Joe knew better to take that challenge. They'd be sitting there kicking each other all night. He had to go back to work in 15. "Is it school? Are you worried about midterms?" Nick got... scary focused during midterms. Not his usual amount of obsessive drive to succeed. He got quiet, sleepless, pale from so many hours in the library that Joe barely recognized him.

"School's fine," it was mostly a non-answer, but Joe could also tell from Nick's tone that it was true.

"What then?" He prodded, pushing Nick's plate a little closer.

Nick sighed and picked up his half-eaten sandwich, took a bite mechanically. When he was done chewing, he said, "There was a message on the answering machine when I stopped by home to drop off my books."

Joe considered this. Most of the people likely to call them were working with Joe all day long, and Zac was too out of commission for that, given that he hadn't even called to say he wasn't coming in today. Selena and Demi were stopping by his place with soup and Gatorade after they closed up.

"It was mom," Nick elaborated reluctantly. "She wants us to come home for Thanksgiving."

Joe blinked. That wasn't really that big a deal. Sure, ever since Kevin and Danielle broke up and Nick and Joe moved to Boston, they were all a little less close, but they weren't like, one of those families that couldn't spend a holiday together. They weren't those people.

"What's wrong with that?" Joe asked.

Nick took another bite of his sandwich and then pushed away with plate with finality. Even though it wasn't completely gone, Joe decided to let him get away with it.

They engaged in a staring contest for awhile, until Joe gave in, cause Joe was just the one who gave in when it came to that sort of thing. There was really no point trying to out-stubborn Nick. Especially if he knew that's what you were doing, and his competitive edge kicked in on top.

"We have the money," Joe pointed out, trying to lead Nick to water.

Nick shifted in his chair, frowned down at the table. He opened his mouth, and mumbled something Joe couldn't catch.

He leaned in, raising his eyebrows a little obnoxiously. Nick rolled his eyes and repeated, "She always asks us about girls."

It was true. Their mother was getting to the point, now that Kevin was no longer distracting her with engagement plans, of leaning on Joe and Nick to provide opportunities for romantic meddling.

"We can always bring Demi and Sel," Joe joked, tossing his head back a little.

Nick was less amused. "No we can't."

Joe sighed. No. They couldn't. "You're too busy for a girlfriend," he said quietly, not an excuse exactly, but a small concession to sidestep the things they tried to keep secret, even from each other.

"You too, huh?" Nick said with something heavy in his voice, and he knocked his knee against Joe's under the table.

Joe smiled tightly, and felt his hand twitch from wanting to reach out and grasp Nick's across the table when he said, "Yeah, me too."

\---

They decided to take a pass on Thanksgiving back in New Jersey. Instead, Nick made a sweet potato casserole for _Zooey's_ semi-traditional Orphan's Thanksgiving. They closed the shop, and pushed all the comfiest chairs together with a long string of tables so they could all sit and eat and talk and drink wine. Holidays were the only times Nick would drink, really, and even then, it was only when David would wave a glass in his face and demand that he smell the wine until Nick eventually laughed and grabbed the glass away from him.

After the main course, when they were all contemplating pie and leaning back in their chairs, full and happy, Joe looked out the window onto the street, and saw that it was raining snow. _Raining snow_ was what he had learned to call what passed for snow in Boston, the wet, slick stuff that became slush before it even hit the ground.

He grinned, and hit Nick in the chest.

Nick made a disgruntled "oomph" sound and snapped his head around, glaring at Joe. "What!"

"Snow, Nicky!" Joe proclaimed, grinning wickedly.

Nick groaned a little, but he was already getting up from his chair. It was their rule, had been since they were little kids, that whenever the first snowfall of the year came, without fail, they'd run out into it in whatever they already had on, and have a snowball fight until one of them cried uncle.

"Where you going, Jonas?" David demanded in the booming faux-authority figure voice he occasionally put on to amuse himself and make Lorenzo giggle and roll his eyes.

"Tradition," Joe explained vaguely, waving his hand at the window.

David saluted, understanding. This was their third winter together. David had seen the aftermath of last years escapade, witnessed them coming in soaked through, seen the tear in Nick's shirt and the fat lip he gave Joe, mostly accidental, when a stray elbow caught Joe in the face as they wrestled each other to the ground, hands numb and dripping with melted snow.

Demi shouted, "You guys are crazy," after them as they dashed out the door, but to Joe's ears, it sounded like encouragement.

Nick shoved Joe, hard, the second they got out the door, and Joe slipped a little in the thin layer of slush that was already forming on the pavement. As he skidded, Nick bent down, scraping up a huge handful and, not even trying to form the stuff into a ball, whipping it at Joe. Joe retaliated quickly, leaning down as if to grab his own handful of snow and tripping Nick instead, laughing triumphantly when Nick landed with a hard thud and a string of curses. He grabbed Joe's ankles while he was still celebrating his victory, taking Joe down with him and managing to pin Joe to the ground under his thighs in almost the same movement. Joe was breathless from laughing, from adrenaline, and he raised his pinned wrists a little off the ground in surrender. Joe's sweater was soaked through, the slushy snow making it cling to his back, and his heart hammered harder, harder in his chest while Nick raised one hand in victory and lowered the other to the ground, gathering up more snow and and throwing it right in Joe's face.

Joe sputtered, laughing more and shouting, "I gave up, you dick!"

But Nick just cackled, letting Joe flip him and then they both scrambled up, tearing after each other in the night, zigzagging up and down the empty street in front of _Zooey's_. The blue-black night sky continued to hurl snow at them from above as their taunts and laughter mingled together, harmonizing, almost like they were singing to each other under the stars neither of them could see.

\---

Kevin called a week after Thanksgiving, and asked if he could come for a visit. Joe agreed without even thinking, as he sat with his feet resting in Nick's lap as they both lounged on the couch, watching Sunday morning cartoons, as much of a ritual as attending their father's church services had once been.

When he hung up, he looked at Nick a little warily, but Nick was smiling. "Kev coming to check up on us?"

Joe smiled back. "I guess so."

"It'll be good to see him," Nick carried on, pushing Joe's feet off his lap and getting up.

"You want more coffee?" Nick always made the coffee, even though Joe was the only one who drank it. Nick lived off diet coke and whatever food Joe could force on him. It had been that way for years.

"Sure, thanks," Joe said absently, already focused back on the TV. They were watching _Gargoyles_ on DVD, because it was the best show ever, obviously. He flipped to the main menu, and selected another episode while Nick poured him coffee in the kitchen.

When Nick returned, he handed Joe coffee and a cold piece of French Toast spread thick with nutella, Joe's favorite way to eat them.

"You're the best," Joe said sincerely, dipping his bread into the steaming coffee and inhaling happily.

Nick just settled back onto the couch, deposited Joe's feet back in his lap, and said, "Play the episode."

\---

Joe didn't tell anyone about Kevin's visit until the last minute, because he knew that as soon as he did, the entire staff of _Zooey's_ would enter into a gleeful pool to see who could make Kevin blush the most times. On Kevin's only other visit that spring, all their friends had tortured him mercilessly, flirting and complimenting him and telling Kevin inappropriate jokes. It was nothing mean-spirited, no one was going to mess with Joe and Nick's family, and besides, everyone loved Kevin instantly. It was just that while Nick and Joe had gotten used to Selena's snark and David's Guido douche-bag sense of humor, Kevin was taken totally unawares. He stammered and blushed when Zac flirted with him, gasped a little the first time David made a sex joke to Lorenzo, looked scandalized when they scrapped in the kitchen, roughing each other up over a disagreement only they understood. And he'd had no idea what to do with Demi and Selena, and what was then just the beginning of the spiraling love triangle that was Demi/Miley/Selena. Not to mention that Selena and Demi had danced in next to nothing on top of the bar, their hips all but glued together, just to see how big Kevin's eyes would get.

Joe enjoyed teasing Kevin as much as the next little brother, but he still figured there was no sense in giving them extra time to plot and make wagers about who could make Kevin go beet red first. No use stacking the deck against Kevin. Family pride, and all.

So it wasn't until he needed to get off his shift early to pick Kevin up from the airport that Joe announced, "Kevin's coming into town. Oh, and I need to leave to go get him now."

There was a moment of shocked silence among his fellows, and then David whooped while Selena and Demi high-fived. Only Zac didn't join the boisterous celebrations; instead he just wiped the counter furiously, head down, doing the worlds worst job of trying to look nonchalant.

Joe raised his eyebrows, ignoring the customer who wanted another cup of hot apple cider and leaning into Zac. "I think you won," he said, nodding at the counter.

Zac stopped abruptly, tensing up. "Just trying to keep us up to health codes."

Joe snorted, amused. "Sure thing." He furrowed his brow a little. "You're not like... weird about this, are you? Like, I don't have to punch you or anything for not liking my awesome big brother, do I?"

"Not liking him?" Zac repeated a little blankly, eyes slightly vacant.

"Yeah, cause when people don't appreciate Kevin's awesomeness, I have to do something about that."

Zac laughed a little, higher than he usually did, and just said, "Not a problem on my end."

Joe nodded, satisfied with the sincerity in Zac's tone, and went back to work.

\---

Nick had a class, so Joe picked Kevin up from the airport alone. They hugged on sight, and when they finally let go of each other, Kevin immediately reached up and touched Joe's hair. He had it spiked up again, moussed into a faux-hawk like he used to rock when he was in the 8th grade. Nick rolled his eyes about it more now than he had back then, but Joe knew he still thought it looked cool. Anyway, Joe and David had been engaged in a season-long battle to see who could get their hair to stand up taller, and so far, Joe was kicking his ass.

"Looks good," Kevin said warmly.

Joe shrugged off the compliment and said, "I hope you don't mind riding on the back of the bike with me, I'm too cheap for a cab."

Kevin chuckled and responded, "You still making Nick wear that sparkly pink helmet when he rides with you?"

Joe chuckled too. "Keep laughing big brother - that's the only extra helmet I've got."

\---

Joe loved riding at night, when the air felt cold and clean if you were going fast enough. He let out a yell of happiness as they rode, and Kevin surprised him by joining in.

Joe took them back to _Zooey's_ instead of the apartment - Nick could be coming there after his class anyway. Their arrival was met with a round of hugs. Only Zac held back from the group, arms crossed. When everyone else went back to putting up chairs and finishing closing up, Zac finally came forward, and the look he and Kevin gave each other made shocked laughter explode from Joe's chest.

"Jesus, you didn't come here to visit me and Nick, did you?" He demanded, still laughing.

Kevin blushed and muttered, "Shut up, Joe," before walking over to Zac and meeting him in a long, tight hug.

They went to the backroom after that - to do God knows what. Although Joe had a few guesses given the grins on their faces and the way their hands stayed clasped as they disappeared behind the door.

When Kevin finally came back, alone, but with cheeks pink with happiness, Joe cornered him and demanded, "What the hell, dude?"

Kevin shrugged and said, "After my last visit," _almost six months ago_ , Joe added in his head, "we've been... corresponding."

" _Corresponding_?" Joe parroted back, raising his eye brows as high as they'd go.

Kevin smiles softly. "He has really great penmanship."

Joe snorted with laughter, unable to help it and not really trying. "I'll bet he does."

Despite his resulting grin, Kevin looked at Joe seriously. "Is this okay? I know you work together and well... we never really talked about why me and Dani didn't work out."

Joe's face grew serious too, but he clasped Kevin hard on the shoulder and said, "As long as you're happy, Kev, it's more than okay."

Kevin smiled gratefully, and Joe added, "Nick's going to take Zac out back and threaten him with a shovel when he finds out, but yeah. It's okay."

Kevin laughed, happy and light like Joe hadn't heard in years, and Joe decided he was probably right.

\---

When Nick arrived at _Zooey's_ , Joe took him aside before he could even see Kevin.

"Kevin and Zac are maybe a little bit in love, or something," Joe blurted before Nick could even ask him what was up.

Nick raised his eyebrows, eyes going impossibly wide and shocked for a second before he pulled himself back together, shrugging and saying, "If he hurts Kevin I'm going to kick Zac's ass," in a mild, yet completely serious, tone.

Joe grinned, and slapped Nick on the back approvingly. "That's what I said."

\---

Joe didn't smoke, but David, Selena, and Zac all did, like chimneys, so he took the opportunity to talk to Zac alone when he slipped out behind the shop to smoke in the back alley. Nick was catching up with Kevin, so they were both well distracted, and everyone else was busy partaking in post-closing beer with their feet up.

Zac was already smoking steadily on the back stoop by the time Joe made sure everyone was diverted and followed him out there.

Zac startled a little, and took a longer drag off his cigarette to recover. "Jesus," he said mildly, waving his free hand at Joe reproachfully.

"Sorry, my own stealth gets the better of me, sometimes." Joe apologized with a haphazard smile.

Zac shrugged. "Forgiven."

Joe clapped his hands together, "Glad we got that sorted out - now let's talk about your intentions towards my brother."

Zac's eyes widened, and he coughed a little, caught mid-inhale. He pounded his chest with a fist, wheezing.

"You'll probably be getting a similar discussion from Nick, so enjoy that, but just for the record - I love you like a brother, but Kevin got there first." Joe tried to make his voice serious while keeping his eyes warm, smile still on his face. He really did love Zac. Kind of a lot. Zac was his drinking buddy, his partner in indie music snobbery, part of the family _Zooey's_ made for all of them, and Joe happened to really appreciate Zac's commitment to multicolored checkered shirts. He was a great guy. It would be a shame to have to kill him.

He expected a laugh, a grin and a promise that Joe had nothing to worry about, but instead, Zac stared off down the street, twisting the cigarette between his fingers and not saying anything.

"I'm serious, Zac," Joe said, smile faltering, starting to get worried. "You have to be careful with Kevin. He's not like us."

"What, you and Nick?" Zac said, a strained little chuckle falling off the end of his question.

"Like me and _you_ , Zac," Joe clarified, pressing in a little closer to him now. Another foot, and Joe would be touching him, close enough to press Zac against the brick wall beside which they stood. Wouldn't like they hadn't been there before.

"He's just so fucking... _sweet_ ," Zac said, almost pained. He closed his eyes, squeezing them shut tight. "I'm going to fuck it up."

Joe leaned closer still, laying his open palm against the wall beside Zac's head, "Not if you don't want to."

"Joe it's not that--"

"I'm not saying you're not allowed to be human, for God's sake, people fuck up. I'm asking if you're going to do it on purpose. Are you going to cheat on him cause he doesn't matter? Are just messing with him cause he's a bit strange, a bit innocent? That's when I'd have to kick your ass, if Nick didn't get to you first. But," he shook his head, "if you were that kind of guy, you wouldn't be one of the best friends I've ever had. You wouldn't be enough to turn Kevin's head for the first time in... I don't know how long. Maybe ever, as far as I've been able to see. I'm just asking - do you think he could mean something to you?"

At these words, Zac's eyes flew open, and he didn't seem to be able to stop even to think before he answered, "He already does." He swallowed, "He means a lot. More than I'm used too and that's... you don't think maybe that's a little crazy? I mean, we've e-mailed a lot, sure, but we really only hung out for a couple hours, spread out over a weekend, two seasons ago. I mean. I think about him all the time. I kind of miss him, right now, just being out here alone." He bit his lip, cast his half-smoked cigarette to the ground and put out the embers with his heel. "Am I crazy?"

Joe laughed, overwhelmed by some combination of pure happiness and wistful sadness that made his heart hurt in his chest. "I hear that's called falling in love."

\---

Joe didn't date. He never had, really. Not in college, not in high school. There were always girls, and, then later, guys, but it wasn't romance. Flowers, steady dates and falling asleep with the same person night after night. He'd never really wanted it, and it wasn't exactly something he could have now. It wasn't like he could bring anyone home, not to the one bedroom apartment he and Nick shared. Not like he could offer up the fold-out couch neither of them ever slept on. So there was no one like that, no one who made his heart race, who made him smile the way Kevin and Zac smiled at each other, almost every minute, day after day as his visit extended longer, longer.

There wasn't anyone Joe wanted to come home to like that, no one but Nick, and they weren't exactly. Well. They were brothers. And Joe did his best to remember that.

In that effort, in lieu of girls or guys who wanted to hold his hand and be Joe's one and only, there was David. It was nothing heavy - just friends helping each other out, taking the edge off. It didn't happen all that often, it was never planned, premeditated. Just sometimes, if they were both a little keyed up after a shift, if Nick was locked away studying and Lorenzo was off playing street hockey with his hoodlum friends or whatever it was 19-year-old high school dropouts did, David would catch Joe's eye over the bar as they were closing up, and when Joe felt like it, he'd lift his chin a little, nodding up to the loft above them. They'd scan the shop, making sure the coast was clear, and then they'd race each other upstairs, tearing at clothes, laughing and criticizing each other's technique, half-wresting, half-sex. It was fun, a little messy, a little rough, but nothing Joe couldn't handle. Every once in awhile, getting knocked around a little as he tumbled his way into bed with David was exactly what Joe needed.

It got more complicated when it was Lorenzo catching Joe's eye instead of David, when it was his too big eyes and too pretty smile following Joe's movements, his fingers charming their way into Joe's pants. Enzo was even more pushy than David, backing Joe up against walls, nipping at his skin, leaving bruises. It was a game, and they both knew it, both played to win. Who could leave the most marks where no one else could see, who would toy with that edge more, who would risk them both getting caught first. It was precarious, dangerous in a way that being with David never was, never threatened to become. Joe felt the want neither of them were allowed to act on much closer to the surface with Lorenzo, brighter, sharper, even as they both closed their eyes and tried to pretend the other was the one they wanted him to be.

It was probably just as well, then, that it happened even less with Lorenzo than with David. Joe tried to muster more guilt about it, except, well, they were all just trying to get by, weren't they? Joe knew he saw David shadowing Nick sometimes, leaning too close, lips almost touching his face as he whispered something to Nick to make him laugh. Teasing him like Joe did, but able to travel closer, straying past the boundaries Joe refused to cross, making the back of Nick's neck flush. And he knew that when Lorenzo and Nick disappeared for whole afternoons sometimes to play basketball or go to the gym, that wasn't all they were doing. He knew, and part of it drove him half crazy, jealously, worry, but Nick always seemed looser afterwards, the frown lines a little less clear on his face. Joe couldn't take that from him, couldn't make Nick stop from going to Enzo when he had nothing, really, to offer Nick in exchange.

\---

By December, Kevin was still around, and while Joe loved the guy, he kind of wanted his couch back. Joe and Nick watched cartoons on that couch. They played video games on that couch. Joe had a _relationship_ with that couch. And Kevin was always _sleeping_ on the damn thing now.

So he sat down beside Kevin, who was still half asleep, even though he was sitting up, rubbing his eyes.

"Is this a quarter-life crisis, or something?" Joe asked, trying to sound patient and supportive. "Another one?" Because he really kind of thought Kevin already did that, what with the breaking up with his fiancee and moving to Canada.

Kevin frowned and said, "I don't think so."

Joe nodded, "Okay. Any idea what _is_ going on? Any plan at all?" Joe wasn't particularly big on life plans, himself, but Kevin was always more like Nick. Practical. Goal-oriented.

Kevin shrugged. "I really like it here."

Joe smiled. "I like it here too," he bumped shoulders with Kevin, "and hey, I mean, we like having you here. You know," he waved his hands, "Just maybe not, like, _here_ , here. If you know what I mean."

Kevin rubbed his hand through his curls, flattened by sleep. "Apartment's getting a little crowded, I guess?"

"Maybe a little," Joe said, already starting to feel like an ass. He loved Kevin more than his couch, didn't he? "Like, you know you can stay as long as you want - I didn't mean--"

"It's cool," Kevin cut him off, letting Joe off the hook with a smile. "I've been... job hunting a bit. I probably won't know anything solid until after the holidays, but it seems promising." Kevin was an accountant, or a business manager, or something to do with numbers and running things that Joe didn't really understand. He did well for himself, whatever he did.

"So you're thinking of moving up here, then?" Joe asked, glad to hear his own voice sound so hopeful.

Kevin nodded. "Yeah. I think. Maybe. Would that be okay?"

Joe laughed. "I think this city could probably do with another Jonas."

Kevin grinned at him, and bumped his fist with the one Joe was holding out to him.

\---

On the side of the brick building in which it was housed, David had once drunkenly allowed Lorenzo to spray paint, _Zooey's! It's not just a coffee shop - it's a way of life_. When they'd sobered up, David had halfheartedly considered painting over it, or trying to clean it off, but laziness and a nearly perpetual desire to indulge Enzo had gotten the better of him, and now, more than a year later, it was still there. It had become their trademark, almost their mission statement to the world. You didn't just work at _Zooey's_. You grew there, ate there, fought there, even slept there, sometimes. And you didn't just shop there either. Didn't just come in for a simple cup of coffee. Chances were, you came the extra mile and paid the extra dollar-fifty cause you wanted your coffee fair trade, you wanted your chocolate cake vegan, you wanted your serve to be a co-owner instead of a wage-slave. And even if you didn't at first, if David got a chance to bend your ear for a couple hours about it, as he was wont to do, you'd probably end up changing your mind. As much as Enzo teased David, calling him a commie-pinko, Joe knew a bigger, silent part of him was proud. Proud of what David had started, proud of what they were all building together.

\---

Joe lost most of December to helping Kevin move into his own place and trying to make sure Nick didn't keel over and die during mid-terms. Between that and helping keep _Zooey's_ running, he was basically running on fumes by the time they closed up for the big Winter Solstice staff party. David and Lorenzo always went back home for Christmas, and David occasionally liked to pretend he was more of a godless hippie than he actually was, so they always celebrated together on the 21st instead of the 25th. It was typically a night of lighthearted and drunken debauchery - last year Joe had ended up almost having a threesome with Demi and Selena until he realized they would probably make mince-meat out of him, never mind what Nick would have done if he found out. Joe barely remembered what happened the year before that. This year's festivities promised to be a little more mild, what with how Zac, who had previously spent the night challenging people to do shots with him while not wearing a shirt, was currently spending all his time and energy following Kevin around with a dopey smile on his face.

Joe contemplated such matters as he hung garlands of popcorn around the store, humming to himself, until he stumbled upon Selena and Demi trading kisses under the mistletoe Kevin had insisted they put up under the door that lead into the kitchen. Even while it made a kind of warm satisfaction bloom in his chest, Joe felt himself staring too long, envying their happiness, envying the simple way they let their smiles touch.

David caught him at it, still staring, and he coughed loudly, elbowing Joe in the back. Demi and Selena broke away, rolling their eyes and bowing when David clapped. Behind his leering grin, Joe knew David was happy, and even more than that, relieved. If maybe Demi was Joe's favorite, Selena was definitely David's. They'd been friends even before _Zooey's_ , getting each other in and out of trouble back when the shop was just a gleam in David's stoner-philosophizing eye. He was protective of all of them, but especially Selena, he guarded her like he did Enzo, and David had never warmed to Miley. He'd always been wary of her, suspicious. And he'd taken the aftermath of Demi and Selena's break-up hard, hated the roller-coaster ride Miley look Sel on. So as far as David was concerned, Joe was sure, it was about time Demi and Selena got back together.

But Joe saw the same look in David's eye as he knew must have been in his own as they both watched their girls flirt and laugh and hang streamers together around the bar. David didn't have that either, he had no better chance of having it than Joe. It wasn't in the cards for them, and usually that was fine, but sometimes it emptied Joe out like nothing else, made him think he didn't know how to feel anything, not really, not anymore. Nothing but feelings he couldn't act on, couldn't barely stand to name.

They were together in that, as much as they were alone, so he grabbed David's hand, squeezed it hard, and after a second, David squeezed back.

\---

By the time Joe and David came back downstairs over an hour later, the party was just starting to swing. Music was playing, Demi was passing out her paralyzing rum-nog to one and all, and Kevin and Zac were wearing the matching scarves Zac had bought for them as an early Christmas present. Dating Kevin was totally turning Zac into a hopeless romantic, and Joe had to admit, it looked good on him.

Nick and Enzo were leaning against the bar, talking into each other's ears, smiling, shaking their heads. They stopped, stepping away from each other as soon as they saw David and Joe. Smiles turning to glares, they broke away from the bar, each of them zeroing in on their respective older brother and pulling him to opposites sides of the room.

Nick's grip on Joe's arm was just tight enough to be painful, and he shook Joe a little before letting him go. "Do you know we could hear you until Selena turned on the music?" Nick hissed, clearly furious. "Not classy, Joe."

Joe flushed red, shame, and something else, imaging how it must have been for Nick, hearing that. "I'm sorry."

Nick shook his head. "It's Christmas, Joe. Or as good as." He sighed. "You're supposed to spend it with the person you love."

Joe sighed too, letting himself be brave, be reckless, just for that moment, and he reached out and touched Nick's cheek, "And now I am."

Nick's face softened instantly, even as he looked like he wished he could stay mad longer, and he let Joe keep touching him for a minute before stepping out of his reach. "Let's go back to the party, I think I heard Zac say something about trying to get Kevin to do birthday-cake shots."

Joe groaned, already turning away from Nick and heading back in the direction of the bar, shouting at Zac, "That's totally cheating! You can't give Kevin alcohol that tastes like chocolate!"

He heard Nick chuckle behind him, and felt his heart start to beat again in his chest when Nick started to follow after him, shaking his fist and telling Zac to stop trying to besmirch their brother's honor.

\---

Four glasses of Demi's eggnog later, Joe loved everything and everyone. His cheeks were flushed, jaw almost sore from laughing so much, smiling so hard. David winked at him occasionally, leering a little when he caught Joe rubbing at his face, and every time Joe felt a shock of memory, recalling other reasons for the ache in his jaw.

By midnight, Joe had kissed everyone under the mistletoe at least once, except for Nick. He even managed to catch Kevin on the cheek before Zac pulled him away for more vaguely slutty dancing. Kevin was actually pretty good at that. Joe hadn't thought Kevin had it in him. But he'd been learning, since Kevin had been back, that maybe there were a lot of things he didn't know about his brother.

Joe was making a beeline for the punch bowl of 'nog on the bar when Lorenzo grabbed his wrist, fingers closing around it and squeezing hard. Joe let himself be tethered, smiling at Enzo with his best show of holiday spirit.

"Happy holidays littlest Henrie!" Joe shouted, surprising himself by slurring a little. Demi's eggnog was always more rum than eggnog, but still. Joe had a reputation to uphold. David had drunk at least one cup more than Joe and he wasn't even undoing his tie yet. It would be ages before he tied it around his head and started singing in Italian. Joe clearly needed to pace himself.

Meanwhile, Lorenzo hadn't let go of Joe's wrist and his eyes were glinting a little dangerously. Joe swallowed. This was either about to go really well or really badly for him. Maybe a little bit of both.

"Let's get some air," Enzo said, yanking Joe along without giving him much of a choice in the matter.

Joe went without a fight.

Outside it was cold, December not looking quite like it had back home in Jersey, but still enough of a bite in the wind to make Joe wish he hadn't lost his blazer two drinks ago.

Lorenzo pulled out a pack of smokes from his inside jacket pocket and grinned at him. Lorenzo didn't smoke, not exactly, not when David was looking, anyway. David had a strict do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do policy with Enzo about a lot of things; drinking and smoking were pretty much at the top of the list. But, of course, Enzo did both. Often, Joe had to admit, when he was around.

"Where did you get those?" Joe said, trying to sound disapproving.

Enzo laughed, "I swiped them from David. He's too easy." Lorenzo had fast hands. Joe knew that from experience.

Joe took the pack from him, and in a moment of all too frequent poor-judgment, took two cigarettes out. He lit one and passed the other to Lorenzo, who leaned in, pressing his unlit cigarette to Joe's, lighting it that way. He look a long drag and exhaled out the side of his mouth, smirking a little.

He was really goddamned beautiful.

Fucker knew it, too.

They smoked in silence for awhile, the weight of too much knowledge between them. Joe wasn't a real smoker, but he was a social smoker, sometimes, especially when he was drinking. Or when Enzo seduced him into it with his slightly mocking smiles, his too perfect lips.

When Enzo finished, he stamped out his cigarette and hustled right into Joe's space, turning him around quick and pinning him against the wall. Lorenzo was a lot smaller than Joe, but he had no trouble manhandling him when the mood struck. It might have had something to do with the way Joe didn't particularly mind being manhandled. Joe dropped his half-smoked cigarette out of his slack fingers, let himself get pressed harder against the brick wall.

Lorenzo leaned in, nose against Joe's neck, inhaling deeply. "I can still smell him, you know?" He said, but distantly, like it wasn't really Joe he was talking too.

Joe swallowed, tried to grab at Enzo's lapels with his hands, but he knocked Joe away, kept him still with little more than a look. He kissed Joe's neck, flicking his tongue against his collarbone, and Joe shivered against him. Lorenzo's hands sank down, working expertly on Joe's belt, but Joe stammered, "Wait, wait," despite how agonizingly good this felt, despite the want hammering in his chest.

Lorenzo huffed, but backed away instantly, hands held out in front of him.

"This is a little fucked up, don't you think?" Joe said, waving between them. He hadn't even showered since he and David... well. And he was pretty much sensing that that was the point.

Lorenzo raised his eyebrows, unimpressed. "When's it not?"

Joe pursed his lips. He had to admit, Enzo had him there. "It's Christmas," he said, going for another excuse entirely.

Lorenzo laughed mirthlessly. "Not for another four days."

He struck Joe as so young, in that moment, so vulnerable and small under the streetlight, his lips going a little bit blue from the cold. He was so close to everything Joe wanted, but still so far away he would almost pretend, at least to himself, that it was okay when he leaned back in and kissed Lorenzo, hard and just a little bit brutal, and let Lorenzo do whatever he wanted with his hands.

\---

When they were finished zipping up and trying to find somewhere inconspicuous to wipe their hands, Joe wanted to go back into the party separately, but Lorenzo just rolled his eyes and shoved Joe in the door ahead of him, following close on his heels.

Everyone was dancing. David was on the bar crooning to the Barry White in his head, and no one even noticed them come in. Or so Joe thought, until Kevin grabbed him right out of Enzo's clutched and hauled Joe all the way into the bathroom before Joe even knew what was happening.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing!" Kevin shouted, stunning Joe on about four different levels. He just blinked back at Kevin, lost for words. "He's practically a fucking kid! And weren't you up there with his brother five goddamn hours ago?!"

"It was more like seven," Joe clarified faintly, not even really sure how he was getting the words out.

Kevin rolled his eyes, looking completely disgusted. "What were you _thinking_ ," he demanded again, voice dropping from a furious yell to something worse. Something disappointed, lost.

Joe shrugged, backing away from Kevin a little. Not that he thought Kevin was going to hit him, or anything. He just needed Kevin to stop _looking_ at him like that. Frankly, he'd prefer getting socked in the jaw.

"I kind of don't, you know. Think. When I'm around them." He smiled at nothing in particular. "It's pretty much the point."

"I thought you were all friends, family," Kevin said, still sounding lost, empty.

Joe grimaced. "Not quite. Close enough to not."

"What does that mean?" Kevin asked, taking two steps closer to Joe.

Joe wanted to back up more, but he had nowhere left to go. He'd been pressed up against enough walls for one evening.

"Nothing. Forget about it, Kev. Just forget about... all of it."

"Is this about you and Nick?"

Joe's head snapped up, eyes bugging out incredulously. "What about me and Nick?"

"This _thing_. Whatever you've got going on with the Henries. Whatever they've got going on with Nick."

"What do they have going on with Nick, Kevin?" Joe demanded, voice low and dangerous, somehow riding above the panic at the rest of what Kevin was implying.

Kevin shook his head. "Lorenzo and Nick were dancing, before, when you and David were... doing whatever it was you were doing. But it seemed harmless, fun. Nick was dancing with Demi and Selena for awhile too. But then when you and Lorenzo were gone, David kept, well, it wasn't much like dancing. Is all I'm saying. And Nick wasn't exactly pushing him away."

Joe was going to fucking murder David.

For one blinding second, he really meant it. Then he took a deep breath, uncurled his fists, and made himself look at Kevin. "It's complicated," he tried to make his eyes as pleading as he could, and prayed it would be enough.

Kevin sighed, frustrated and worn through, and said, "Why didn't you ever tell me things had gotten this bad? I would have come sooner."

Joe wanted to laugh, wanted to ask Kevin what he thought that would have done, but instead he walked over to him, but his hand on Kevin's face, and pulled him in for a hug. "I'm glad you're here now." He'd planned it as a dodge, the best way he could think of to get out of this conversation he could think of, but Joe surprised himself. When he said, "I missed you, big brother," he actually meant it.

\---

Kevin let him go after the hug, didn't make Joe answer any more questions, just squeezed his arm and said, "Things get fucked up, Joe. But that's what family's for."

Joe was starting to remember that. He was starting to remember that Kevin was family too. He'd almost let himself forget, the last couple years.

Back out front, the party was still swinging. Someone had started a round of carols, and everyone was singing along, drunkenly fucking up the words and adding inappropriate verses about Santa and the reindeer. Joe loved his friends. His family.

He found Nick on a chair by himself, still singing along, but looking out the window onto the snowy street. Joe sat down in the chair beside him, and once he'd been sitting there a few minutes, Nick finally looked at him.

"Sorry I'm a bit of an asshole," Joe said quietly, apropos of nothing, of everything.

Nick shook his head ruefully. "It's part of your charm."

Joe sighed, reached a hand out, and then pulled it back, clenching it into a fist.

Nick shifted in his chair, leaning foward, hands folded between his knees.

"You have something you need to tell me, Joe?" Eyes serious, offering a chance to be forgiven.

Joe wasn't brave enough to take it. Not yet.

Instead he smiled, and put a hand on Nick's knee. "Just that I love you, little brother."

Nick covered Joe's hand with his, and squeezed.

\---

Joe stuck to Nick like glue for the rest of the night, tucking Nick under his arm wherever they went, unable to stop himself from glaring protectively whenever David or Lorenzo came within a couple feet of them. David was too busy doing the same with Lorenzo to notice, or be pissed about it. And both Lorenzo and Nick were pretty much beaming over having their singular attention, so maybe it was alright. Or maybe that was just the most fucked up part of all.

As the night finally began to wind down, and they were all starting to sober up, (or in the case of Selena, pass out,) Nick tugged on Joe's sleeve, a silent request to follow. Joe did so without question.

Nick led them until they got to the doorway where Kevin had hung the mistletoe, and he smiled at Joe, more warmly and full of love than Joe could ever hope to deserve. He looked up at the mistletoe above them, and then back at Nick, who was still smiling at him that same way.

"Nick," he said hesitantly, not sure what came next.

"Just this once, okay?" Nick pleaded, even while he tried to make his smile casual, like this was no big deal, like this wasn't both of their hearts on the line. "Just once. Because it's Christmas."

"Not for another four days," he said weakly, all too aware he was repeating Lorenzo's earlier words.

Nick ducked his head, smiling softer still, "Let's just pretend, then, okay?"

Joe couldn't stop himself, couldn't do anything but lean in and say, "Okay, Nick," as his lips pressed against his brother's, just softly, sweet, for a few perfect seconds under the mistletoe.

\---

 

Joe tended not to visit Nick at school. It wasn't really his scene, all that intensity and competition in the air, everyone scrambling to say the smartest thing they could think of, even just in the casual conversations Joe passed by. It weirded him out, made him feel out of his element the way his brief stint as a photography major at Rutgers never had. Nick fit in though, his ironed pants and collared shirt suddenly not seeming so endearingly out of place. Joe mostly liked to think they shared the same world - their apartment, _Zooey's_ , but every once in awhile he stopped by campus and was reminded that Nick had a whole other life going on, a whole new world. As it were.

It was an important reminder, if not a welcome one. A reminder of all the things Nick wanted to accomplish. The goals he had, the success he worked so hard for everyday. Joe needed that, sometimes. Needed to see Nick bent over books in the library study carols, needed to see him arguing good-naturedly with a tweed-wearing professor about a controversial interpretation of some statute, needed to see him getting slapped on the back by the classmates who clearly respected him, looked to him for advice. It was important to be reminded why he took his want to David, or Lornezo, instead of ever letting it slip over, pulling Nick down with him. He needed to be reminded that it was for Nick, a sacrifice they both needed to make so Nick could have all the other things he wanted out of life. So he could surge to the heights they both knew Nick was capable of.

\---

In comparison to the Christmas bash, they kept New Years pretty chill. David and Lorenzo were still back in Phoenix, eating all the pasta in the world, Joe could only assume, and Demi and Selena wanted to go dancing, and so did Zac and, allegedly, Kevin, so they ended up double-dating it at some club Nick would have hated. Out of respect for Nick, Joe stayed home with him and they rang in the new year together, just the two of them. They watched movies all evening, holding hands on the touch. At midnight, Joe kissed Nick's cheek, but after that, he kept his hands and his lips to himself.

\---

David and Enzo got back from Arizona on a frigid Tuesday in January, and they trampled right into the shop with all their luggage instead of taking the extra flight of stairs up to their apartment. It was a busy morning, _Zooey's_ was full of customers, but either because he didn't notice, or didn't care, Lorenzo announced, "Fucking Boston, I almost froze my goddamn balls off," as soon as the wind slammed the door shut behind them.

Instead of reprimanding his brother for swearing in front of all their customers, David whipped off his shades and nodded in deep agreement. "Goddamn snow," he added, looking mutinous.

Joe laughed to himself and handed a customer her cranberry tea and muffin. They were always like this when they came back from their native desert, bitching about the cold and bemoaning the rapid depletion of their tans.

They dropped their bags where they stood, and then approached the bar, waving their arms at Joe and Demi.

"Bring it in, give me some love," David demanded magnanimously, coming around the bar and hugging them both at once.

Joe shouted for Selena and Zac, who were working in the kitchen, and they came out too, receiving hugs and kisses on the cheek. When Joe hugged Lorenzo, he held on too long and licked Joe's ear, slapping his ass when he finally let Joe go, but David was too busy wowing over Selena's new hair to notice. She'd chopped it off with the new year, something about new beginnings, symbolism. Joe didn't really get the appeal of the symbolic hair-cut, but he appreciated her new look. She was even hotter than ever, and Demi seemed to like it, seemed to be happy with whatever it meant for both of them, so that was all Joe needed to be happy, really.

There was a line by the time they all finished welcoming Enzo and David back, and David yelled at them, "Back to work! What am I paying you layabouts for!" Because David was under the mistaken belief that he was hilarious.

The way Lorenzo snickered with amusement and flipped them off before he and David trudged up the stairs wasn't doing anything to correct that delusion.

When they finally came back downstairs, most of the lunch crowd was gone and it was Joe up front, watching a couple of devoted customers drink their enormous coffees and bicker over the crossword. He was totally rooting for the lady with the feather in her hat against the dude with the bad tie. Feathers were coming back, Joe could feel it.

David nodded to Joe and then went out back, things to check up on, food to make, but Lorenzo snuggled right up to the bar, elbows resting on the counter top, chin in his hands.

"Make me a soda," he demanded, sounding smug and happy. Enzo almost always sounded smug, but he rarely struck Joe as so blissfully happy. He used to be happy all the time, but the last year or so had toughened Lorenzo up a lot, make him hard in places that had once been sweet, guileless. Joe sometimes wondered if some of that was his fault.

"Cherry?" Joe asked, even though he already knew the answer.

Enzo just hummed his agreement; Joe could hear him kicking his feet against the side of the bar, legs dangling off the stool.

Joe made him his drink and passed it to Lorenzo. "Where's my cherry on top?" He asked, winking.

Joe rolled his eyes and took out a maraschino cherry from under the counter, and obliged Lorenzo by dropping it right onto his outstretched tongue.

He made a happy sound in his throat and then said, "Where's Nick?"

Joe shrugged, leaning against the counter. "School. Working."

Enzo nodded, a little exasperatedly, and Joe smiled. He wasn't the only one who felt that school took up way too much of Nick's time. They were all a little bitter about that.

"How was your trip?"

Lorenzo sucked on his straw, shrugging with his eyebrows. "It's good to be home."

Joe reached out, tussling his hair and letting them both pretend, just for that minute, that this was all they were. Just family, just friends. "It's good to have you home."

\---

Nick showed up a couple hours later, cheeks red from the wind, his curls tangled wildly. Joe had to grip the edge of the bar hard enough that his knuckles went white to stop himself from going over to him and kissing Nick immediately.

Lorenzo beat him to it, anyway, throwing up his arms and cheering Nick's arrival, running over to him and kissing him right on the lips, parting with a loud smack and a laugh. Nick laughed too and in the moment Joe wished they could have such simple affection all the time. That they could just be the kids they still almost were. That they could laugh and fuck and fall in love.

But for Lorenzo there would always be David, and for Nick, there would always be Joe. That's just how it was.

David was out from the kitchen, working the coffee bar with Joe, and he smacked Joe across the back with a towel to get him to snap out of it, to stop staring at Nick and Lorenzo as they jostled each around, knocking elbows, throwing fake punches as they caught up.

Joe started wiping the inside of coffee mugs to give himself something to do with his hands. He made David do the rest, distracting them both with a string of questions, "Enzo wouldn't really tell me how the visit went. How's the famiglia? Is your nonna's hip better?"

"She's healing up," David reported, sounding satisfied with her progress.

"And the rest of the Henrie clan?" Joe prodded.

"All fine," David said, sincerely enough. But he wasn't meeting Joe's eyes.

"Hey," Joe said, putting down his glass and angling in closer to David. "What happened?"

An expression Joe had never seen before skittered across David's face, but he shut it down with a grin. "Just family. Nothing much."

"Bullshit," Joe said, a little surprised David was even bothering to lie to him.

David turned away from him; a customer was at the till, giving him the perfect excuse to ignore Joe.

He took the longest time imaginable making the lady her latte, but when it was finally done, Joe pressed in again, hand on David's chest. "David. C'mon. Lorenzo's over the moon with happiness, you're weird and evasive and stiff. I do have some fucking experience in this area."

David's face spasmed a little, but Joe recognized the emotions now. Guilt. Shame.

"What did you do?" He asked as gently as he knew how.

David shrugged, looking disgusted with himself, throat too tight to release words. "Same thing we always do. Every fucking Christmas," his voice choked.

Joe's eyes widened. He knew... or at least suspected, that Lorenzo and David had gone a lot further than he and Nick that. That they had crossed more lines. But he hadn't thought to put a date on it, hadn't imagined the weight of a ritual, something around which both of their year's clearly revolved. But when he thought about it like that, so many things fell into place. Lorenzo's building tension all December long, the way he was practically buzzing with it, jumping Joe all the time, disappearing with Nick for hours even when Nick was all but lost to studying.

"You weren't at your mom's this whole time, were you?" Joe asked quietly.

David shook his head. "We got a motel. Same place we always... Jesus. Since he was _15_ , Joe. What kind of a brother am I?" David's eyes were wide, hollowed out.

He couldn't help but reach out to him, squeeze his shoulder. "He wants it. Wants you." There wasn't... they'd never talked about it in those uncertain terms, but given what David was confessing now, Joe saw no point in mincing his words.

David laughed. "So does Nick. Doesn't mean you do anything about it. Doesn't mean you'd," he waved a shaking hand, " _damn_ your brother like that."

Joe tilted his head, brow furrowed with concern, sorrow. "You don't really think that, do you? I mean, this is it. This is life, David. Isn't that your philosophy? Make the world a better place cause it's the only place we've got?"

David rubbed his hand against his face, covering a sad smile. "It that what you'd call fucking him in a 40 dollar motel room - making Zo's world a better place?"

Joe winced, but held his chin up, kept eye contact with David. "That's all it was? That's all it meant?"

David shrugged sadly, and Joe wished at least one of them knew the answer.

For both their sakes.

\---

Zac bustled out of the kitchen to start busing tables before Joe could pull together a response to everything David had told him, asked him, and after that, David managed to avoid Joe for the rest of the day. Nick stayed all afternoon, studying, taking breaks to lean over his table and whisper to Enzo, so Joe had to admit, David didn't have to work too hard to evade his attention. Joe was doing a good enough job of distracting himself on his own. Nick kept casting glances between David and Lorenzo, and then turning to bore his eyes into Joe.

By the time his shift was up, Joe felt ready to jump out of his skin.

Nick hung around, waiting for Joe to cash-out and grab his leather jacket from the backroom that served as half-employee lounge, half-office for David. Joe tossed Nick his extra helmet without a word, and after waving good-bye to David, Lorenzo, and Zac, they left the shop together, just as silent.

Joe got on his bike, and Nick took his seat behind him, wrapping his arms tight around Joe's waist, helmet strapped on, chin resting on Joe's shoulder. "One of these days you're buying me a less ridiculous looking helmet," Nick shouted in Joe's ear as he revved the engine.

"Keep dreaming, little brother," Joe scoffed back, and they peeled off down the street.

The ride home with Nick glued to his back did nothing to settle Joe's nerves, the thrum of anticipation coursing through his blood. The look on Nick's face as he watched Joe strip off his jacket and crack open a beer wasn't helping any either.

Nick shrugged off his own wool coat and took a couple purposeful strides towards Joe. Joe wondered, not for the first time that day, exactly what Lorenzo had been whispering to Nick all day.

"I don't actually want to be president someday, Joe," is what Nick ended up saying; not what Joe could have predicted to come out of Nick's mouth if he'd had a million years.

"What?" Joe blinked rapidly, taking a shaky step back, needing to keep a measurable amount of space between them. He couldn't be close enough to hear Nick's heart racing in his chest.

"I don't want to be president," Nick repeated, like it was going to make any more sense to Joe if he said it a second time.

"I don't--" Joe stammered, holding his hands out in front of him - half out of confusion, half for protection.

Nick tilted his head, pacing back and forth around Joe; circling him, almost.

"I don't want to be president. I don't care about _making something_ of myself." Nick sounded so serious, so sure of himself.

"Yes, you do, Nick," Joe said, closing his eyes. "Yes, you do."

Nick was touching him now, hand splayed over Joe's heart.

"Not as much as I want this. Not as much as I want you."

Joe bit his lip, forcing his eyes open, forcing himself to take a step back from Nick, putting himself out of Nick's reach.

"I don't," he said, finding a way to mean it.

"What?" Nick sounded stunned, staggered.

"I don't want this - not for you, Nick. You can have so much more than this," waving his hand around their tiny, crappy apartment, encompassing Joe's unremarkable, directionless life.

"But I _want_ you," Nick insisted, crowding against Joe, clenching Joe's shirt in his fists.

Joe pried Nick's hands away and shook his head.

Nick opened his mouth, took a forceful step forward, but Joe skidded back, face dark, "No, Nicky."

A long silence followed, and there was a dangerous air of finality to it.

"You're a fucking coward," Nick finally spat, desperation turning into disgusted anger.

Joe nodded, and accepted Nick's fury as his due.

\---

Nick disappeared after that - staying gone almost all night. Joe waited up for him, and just when he was starting to believe Nick wasn't coming back - he finally did.

He looked terrible. His face was a wreck, hair a disaster, the shirt he was wearing wasn't his own. He stank of tequila. Of sex. He had hickeys all the way up the left side of his neck, deep purple bruises blooming just above the sloping neckline of his collar.

Joe recognized the shirt. It was David's.

"What did you do?" Joe demanded, not able to stop himself, not able to stop the betrayal in his voice.

"What do you care?" Nick threw back, words hard.

"I _care_. Jesus, Nick. What about Enzo?"

Nick laughed scornfully. "Right. Because you care _so_ much about his health and happiness."

Joe shook his head, feeling like he was rapidly loosing the thread of a conversation that was already leaving him reeling.

"I care about both of you - _and_ David - I love--""

"Don't say that to me right now," Nick interrupted him. He swayed a little bit on his feet, still drunk enough to be shaky, but his voice was steady, cold.

Joe clamped his mouth shut.

Nick shook his head, disgusted. "David's as much of a coward as you are. By the time I got there, Enzo was already gone. Turns out both of us are just too precious for our poor fuck-up brothers." He grimaced, showing all of his teeth. "But I guess I'm not so untouchable after all. At least not for David."

Joe really _was_ going to kill him. As soon as he got Nick sobered up a bit, got him lying down.

When Joe didn't react, Nick turned away, tried to walk away, but tripped over his feet. Joe rushed to him, caught him, and Nick looked up at him, eyes glassier up close. He seemed so much younger then, so much more lost. Joe smoothed his hair, but Nick shook him off, stumbling over to the couch. He started talking to himself, slurring his words, and after a few failed attempts and an elbow in the face, Joe managed to grapple Nick out of most of his - David's - clothes, and then into bed. He forced a glass of water and a couple aspirin down, rubbing Nick's back and watching him carefully to make sure the pills didn't get stuck in his throat. His rage apparently forgotten, Nick reached out to Joe, clumsy hands grasping at Joe's shirt, his face.

"I fucking love you," Nick babbled, yanking Joe down onto his knees beside the bed, holding onto Joe's collar. "I love you - why don't you love me?"

"I do, Nicky," Joe promised wearily, wrenching out of Nick's grasp and getting back onto his feet. "I do," he repeated, but Nick was already asleep.

That night Joe slept on the couch first time since he and Nick moved in.

\---

Nick didn't come out of the bedroom the next morning. He kept the door shut, and Joe didn't try to get in. By noon, Joe had to get to work, and he left with nothing more than a loud bang on the bedroom door to punctuate his departure.

When he got to _Zooey's_ , he found it closed. It was a Wednesday, they were supposed to be open. He used his keys to get inside. The front was deserted, but Joe made his way around to the back room.

Sure enough, David was sitting in his chair at his desk, head in his hands.

"Headache?" Joe shouted, allowing himself the luxury of being momentarily malicious.

David winced, massaging his temples, not looking up.

"Fuck you," he said with in a carefully low monotone.

"Fuck _me_? You had sex with my brother! When he was drunk!"

David laughed, a string of choked, hysterical gasps. "Whereas you always waited till Zo was nice and sober?"

Joe felt his chest go cold. Colder. "You know about that?"

David scoffed, pinching the bridge of his nose under the sunglasses that covered half his face. "I do now."

Joe shuddered a little, felt all the fight drain out of him. He walked over and sat down on David's desk.

"Where's Enzo?"

"I don't know," David said, shaking his head. "He left."

"What did you say to him?"

"About what you said to Nick, apparently."

Joe sighed. "Not either of our finest hours."

David chuckled, no lightness or humor in it. He was silent for a long time, but then he said, "I'm sorry - it wasn't - we just needed..."

"Solace?" Joe filled in heavily.

David nodded. "Yeah."

Joe wished he could get the anger back, wished he could hate David instead of himself, but the truth was, if Lorenzo had come knocking on Joe's door last night - he would have done with same thing.

\---

Joe and David stayed sitting in his office in silence for a long time. Finally, Joe got up, and after sitting there staring at him for a minute, David got up too.

"I need to go check on Nick," Joe said.

"I have to find Enzo," David nodded.

They stood suspended in silence for one more moment, and then they came together, hugging hard.

"Good luck," Joe said, squeezing David.

"You too," David responded, and he paused for a minute to kiss Joe's check before letting go.

Joe smiled at him, and then they parted ways, off to find their brothers.

\---

When Joe got back to the apartment, Nick was in the kitchen, making himself tea. Joe walked into the kitchen hesitantly, but Nick ignored him steadfastly, going about what he was doing like Joe wasn't even there. After a few minutes and repetition of Nick's name, Joe gave up and went into the living room, slumping down heavily on the couch.

About 20 minutes later, Nick walked into the room and sat down on the couch beside Joe.

"I'm still pissed at you, for the record."

Joe nodded. "Okay."

"And I still think you're being a condescending chickenshit about this. I can decide for myself what I want and don't want. What's worth sacrificing and what isn't."

Joe nodded again. "Okay, Nick."

After a long silence, Nick got up and walked out of the room.

Joe didn't try to follow him.

\---

When Joe went to work the next day, _Zooey's_ was open for business, and business was booming. He threw on his apron and worked for an hour straight without really getting a chance to talk to Zac or Demi, who were working counter with him, and he didn't even see David or Lorenzo.

When they finally hit a lull, Demi marched right up to Joe and smacked him in the chest with the back of her hand.

"What was that for?" Joe demanded.

"Whatever you did that made David close the shop yesterday. Whatever _both_ of you did that stopped Enzo from coming home last night, or the night before that."

"Enzo's still missing?" Joe felt his heart sink deeper.

She nodded gravely.

"Shit."

"So be lucky all I did was hit you. If he doesn't find Enzo soon, David is going to do something a lot more drastic."

Joe looked at her sharply, "What makes you think I had anything to do with him being gone?"

She put her hands on her hips, cocking her head. "What am I, new?"

"This one's on David." He sighed. "Well. Most of it, anyway."

Demi raised her eyebrows. "And the reason Nick hasn't come by at all the last two days?"

Joe turned away and started to unroll quarters and refill the cash register. "That one's on me."

\---

David spent the next two days scouring the city for Lorenzo, not sleeping, looking progressively more frayed and desperate as the minutes ticked by. They shut _Zooey's_ on the second day, and Nick skipped classes for the first time ever, so they could all help with the search effort. Other than short conversations to touch base and coordinate their search efforts, Joe and Nick still weren't talking; Joe's every attempt met with a stony silence. But Joe could still see Nick. Could still reach out and touch him to remind himself Nick was still real, still there. David had nothing but empty air and miles and miles of ground to cover. So they all stayed up looking every night, and got up early to do it all over again in the daylight. Even Kevin took the days off work, driving around the city with Zac, putting up posters. Part of Joe knew Enzo had to be sleeping on someone's couch, crashing with the one friend David hadn't thought of - wouldn't have thought of - but that didn't stop him from searching in dumpsters, down alleys, in sketchy bars he wouldn't have even gone to on one of Zac's dares.

In the end, they didn't find Enzo. Enzo found Joe.

On the fourth night of Lorenzo's disappearance, Joe was at home, trying to catch a few minutes of sleep and doing a round of calls to everyone Lorenzo knew, when there was a knock on his door. When he went to answer, there Lorenzo was, dwarfed in a giant gray zip-up hoodie, aviators shielding his eyes from Joe's piercing stare. He didn't say anything to Enzo - just grabbed him by the shirt and yanked him inside, locking the deadbolt immediately. Like that was actually going to stop Enzo if he wanted to leave again.

Joe paced, not even knowing what to say to him, not knowing where to begin, but Lorenzo started for him. "Is Nick here?"

Joe shook his head, meaning to say, "no, he's out looking for you, like everyone else--" but in a flash Lorenzo was on him - hands grappling with Joe's shirt, his hair. Lips crushing down brutally against Joe's.

Joe lost himself to it for a moment - the waves of relief over knowing Enzo was in once piece leaving him open, and he was unable to stop himself from kissing back, so grateful, blindly and down to his insides, that Enzo was back. But as Lorenzo bit at Joe's lip, shoving his hands lower, the rest of it came rushing back - the worry, David's haunted face, Nick's silences, all the hell of the last few days - and he shoved Lorenzo away.

"What were you thinking, Enzo? For god's sake! David's been half-crazy. Full-on crazy, actually."

Lornezo just started at Joe, eyes smoldering, hands in fists at his sides, still looking ready to pounce. "I don't care."

Joe couldn't help but laugh. For all that statements and accusations of that nature were getting thrown around pretty frequently lately, this would probably all be a lot less of a problem if they all actually did care a little less.

"You have to let me call him," Joe insisted, when he calmed himself down a little, fought the hysteria back.

Lorenzo rolled his eyes, "So he can do what? Promise me some shit he'll back out on later? Punch me? Tell me I'm his and then give me nothing to show for it? We've been there. Done that." He paced back and forth, casting quick, almost exasperated looks at Joe. "He won't fuck me. And you won't fuck Nick. So this is what we have - this is what we do. But now you won't fuck me either?" He made a disgusted noise, low in his throat. "Am I the only one around here with any balls left?"

Joe blanched. There was so much sadness in his voice, under the white hot anger that seemed to be all that was holding Lorenzo upright. He moved closer, walking slow, hoping Lorenzo would get the right idea. He held out his hands cautiously, and Lorenzo tossed his head a little, like this was ridiculous, but he let Joe pull him into a hug.

They stood there for a long time, holding on, Lorenzo's face burrowed into Joe's chest. "I've wanted him since I knew what wanting someone was," he croaked, voice thick and wounded.

Joe squeezed his eyes shut and ran a hand through Lorenzo's curls. So close and so far away to the ones he'd loved his whole life. "I know."

\---

When they finally let go, Lorenzo went and took a shower while Joe called David.

"I've got him, he's here," Joe said without preamble, the instant David picked up.

There was a long, stunned silence across the phone, and then he heard David make a noise like... like he was coming back alive. It was almost a groan, almost a sob, but there was so much joy in it, too. He heard David murmuring to himself in rapid Italian, a prayer of gratitude, and then he said, "Lock him up if you have to Jonas, do not let my boy out of your sight."

"I won't," Joe promised, listening carefully for the shower in the next room, comforted by the sounds of Lorenzo moving under the spray. "Tell Nicky, will you? Get him back here, if you can." He added, suddenly needing, so deep it was painful, to have Nick back, just to see him again, be reminded he wasn't lost to Joe.

"I will," David swore, and hung up.

After his conversation with David, Joe went into the bathroom with Enzo, sat on the closed toilet seat and waited him out. When Lorenzo stopped the water and stepped out of the shower, there was actually some life in his voice, a spark of something other than anger, when he said, "Pass me a towel, you perv."

Joe laughed, and obliged him. He even looked away while Lorenzo wrapped it tightly around his waist.

When Joe did look at him, all he could do was smile. Some of the weariness had been washed away with the water. Lorenzo's face almost looked like his own again, shoulders weren't sagging so low, his hips almost had their characteristic cocky tilt back to them.

After a couple seconds under his beaming gaze, Lorenzo shook his head, and smiled back.

\---

They waited David and Nick out on the couch, not talking really, but it was a good silence between them. Anticipation instead of dread, camaraderie instead of tension. When door opened, Lorenzo leapt to his feet, and Joe was only a second behind. For a minute after they came face to face again, Lorenzo and David just stared at each other. Hungry and stunned like they couldn't imagine how they'd managed to be away from each other. Like they were trying to relearn each other's faces. It all happened it a flash of emotion, ten seconds, less, and then Lorenzo launched himself at David, leaping into his arms, wrapping his legs around David's waist, burying his face into David's neck. They held on like that, eyes closed, holding a secret service, and then just as suddenly, Lorenzo let go, dropping out of David's arms.

As soon as his feet his the ground, Lorenzo punched David in the face.

"That was for Nick," Enzo said, "'cause I know he won't do it himself."

Hovering behind David, Nick cleared his throat, stepping forward.

He and Enzo considered each other silently for a long time.

"D'you forgive me?" Nick asked, voice steady.

Enzo shrugged, "You forgive me, right?"

Nick nodded. Enzo smiled, and they bumped fists, hugging briefly, but tightly.

When they let go, Nick went and stood by Joe, and Enzo did the same with David. After another long, weighted pause, Joe and David each reached for their brother's hand, laced their fingers together, and squeezed.

\---

When David and Lorenzo left, Lorenzo's hand in David's pocket and David's arm wrapped securely around Enzo's shoulders, Nick locked the deadbolt and turned to Joe seriously.

It was the first time they'd been alone, and really together, in days. He was standing right beside Joe, and still, he missed Nick.

"I was with David," Nick said, finally breaking the day's long silence between them, "when you called him. I literally saw the color rush back to his face. It was like he could finally breathe again."

Joe nodded. "I know. I could hear it." He snorted softly. "I could _feel_ it."

Nick took a step closer to Joe. "I don't ever want to be there, Joe. I don't want to have to think about where you could be, what I'd do if I couldn't find you."

Joe grimaced. "Tell me about it. If you ever run away - I'm coming with you."

"You're the one who's running away, Joe," Nick contradicted quietly.

"I'm right here."

"Are you?" Nick asked, taking another step closer, putting a hand out.

Joe took Nick's hand, pulled it to his chest, over his heart. "I"m here."

"If I kissed you now, would you let me?" Nick asked, voice rising a little with a fragile hopefulness.

Joe nodded mutely.

"What else would you let me do?" Voice shy while the rest of him was trying to be bold, his breath hot and close, their bodies close enough now that their hips touched.

"Anything you want," Joe vowed instantly, the words coming out before he could think about them, but he meant them just the same. Knew he would stand by them.

Nick nodded almost imperceptibly, and said, "What I want," and then pressed his lips to Joe's.


End file.
